Theo Ousalotmoney: OK guys, time to open the bank.
Brancho Tellerous: Oxi (no) … we have no money.
Theo: Waddya mean, we have no money? We are a bank?
Tellerous: Yes sir, but we are a Cypriot Bank.
Tellerous: That means we’re broke.
Theo: No we’re not as we’re not Greek. We’re Russian.
Tellerous: You think we’re Russian?
Theo: Sure. Greek-Russian Cypriots. It’s like the Church. Greek, but in Russia.
Tellerous: I think you are slightly deluded sir. We is European.
Theo: European? Since when?
Tellerous: Since we joined the European Union.
Theo: We joined the European Union?
Tellerous: Yes sir. Didn’t you notice?
Theo: Not really. I thought we were Russian.
Tellerous: Well, you could be easily mistaken sir. We have a lot Russian money.
Theo: Exactly. A quarter of our bank vault is in Russian roubles.
Tellerous: That does not make us Russian sir. We is European.
Theo: Since when?
Tellerous: Since we joined the euro sir.
Theo: We use the euro? I thought we was drachma?
Tellerous: No, we dropped drachma for euro back in 2008.
Theo: We is euro?
Tellerous: Yes sir. We use the euro.
Theo: So what does that mean?
Tellerous: It means we owe the European Central Bank a ton of cash.
Theo: We do?
Tellerous: We do.
Theo: Like how much?
Tellerous: About €5.8 billion.
Theo: How much is that?
Tellorous: About $7.5 billion.
Theo: No, in roubles man, in roubles.
Tellourous: Oh yes. Around 230 billion roubles sir.
Tellerous: Although technically we don’t owe them that much.
Theo: What do you mean?
Tellerous: Well, that’s how much we will owe them, if they bail us out.
Theo: We is being bailed out?
Tellerous: Yes, sir.
Theo: Why is we being bailed out?
Tellerous: Well, we’re broke.
Theo: But we’s got lots of Russian money.
Tellerous: Yes sir, but we owe billions because of Greece.
Theo: But we is not Greek or Turk or Cypriot … we is Russian.
Tellerous: Ok sir, if you say so.
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