The Banking Bird Feeder

I bought a bird feeder and hung it on the patio the other week.

I filled it with seed every day to see if it would attract the birds.

Within a week, there were hundreds of birds feeding on the continuously free and easily accessible food.

I enjoyed watching them for a while ... but then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue.

The worst bit was that soon I found there was lots of bird pooh everywhere: on the patio tiles, the chairs, the table ... everywhere!

Then some of the birds turned mean.

They would dive bomb me and try to peck me, even though I had fed them out of my own pocket.

And other birds were boisterous and loud, sitting on the feeder and just squawking and screaming at all hours of the day and night, demanding that I fill it with more food.

After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore.

So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone.

I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like it used to be ... quiet, serene and no f***ing birds demanding a free meal that they didn't have before and shouldn't have as a right.

It kinda reminded me of Credit Default Swaps and Securitisiation.

To begin with, we put them out there and a few investment bankers pecked.

Then they saw how much money could be made out of these products and they all came pecking.

Soon investment bankers were pecking these products across all markets worldwide, and having a bonus feast out of it.

They made them work with anything and everything, and just loved the way that the more they created money, the more money they made.

There was no rhyme or reason to this of course, as the fact that they had created products that required zero collateral was irrelevant, just as long as the bonus feast lasted.

Then, one day, the feeder dried up as no-one wanted to fill the never-ending leverage bucket.

They wanted to see the collateral behind the products and to check you had the money available if needed.

They were fed up with the investment bankers feeding without accountability.

So all the bad bankers flew away.

Unfortunately, unlike the bird feeder, they left so much crap on the porch that we had to demolish the house and rebuild it.

But that's OK. 

At least we've still got a house ... I think?